Shocked

Been laid awake since about 2.40am, just had to get up and make a coffee.

I have that sick feeling in my stomach. I've already had the 'perhaps I will see if I can loose some weight in the 12 days before my admission' thought- might help with the anaesthetic etc.

Then I think fuck it, why starve myself now when I wont be able to eat for a properly for a good week after surgery. So I am currently ramming custard creams down my throat, whilst trying to stop choking through the tears that have suddenly come on, whilst I sit here solo.

I never did feel like a proper breast cancer patient. Being lucky enough to avoid chemo. Didn't mean I wanted to be a fully fledged cancer patient though.

Yesterday was a blur. I had plenty of phone calls from family and friends, but it seemed like I was talking about someone else.