Confidence Boost

Well I have been given the biggest confidence boost ever this morning. I managed to pass my driving test (4th attempt) - I am so chuffed!

Back from Counselling

I just got back from counselling, and we went off on a tangent today. We spoke about my cancer, and my fear that it will come back. We spoke about the way it has changed my day to day life, and how I wish I could box it away, and move forward.

I explained how I felt about M.I.N.D. and that it wasn't the right place for me to be. But as my therapist said, It was a case of trying and finding out.

I told her how I had been for a job interview (which I didn't get the job) and how I have my driving test later this week - all steps in the right direction.

I have started reading 'Feel the Fear.... and Do It Anyway', which was recommended to me by a friend. A very good read, about confidence and self esteem

I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow, for a review on the Prozac. Which I feel are doing me the world of good. My head is not so jumbled, and I am able to make proper decisions once more.

Not much happening

Been a fairly dull couple of weeks really.

Haven't been back to M.I.N.D. since 2nd May, due to stomach bug, and had something planned for last Friday.

Had to cancel my counselling appointment too, due to bad stomach.

Had another funeral on Wednesday, and a driving lesson on Friday morning.

I have applied for a new job - fingers crossed, cos I think I need a change.

I can get 23/24 sticks in my mouth now - which I am pleased about. Still a bit numb in the cheek area, which I keep biting.
Prozac seem to be working wonderfully. Not getting too stressed over anything now!
Life is improving and I am beginning to enjoy it once more.

Hospital Check Up

I had an appointment with Mr Merrick this morning, at 9.45. DH managed to record the last part of his show and come with me.

We went in about 20 minutes late. Mr Merrick was pleased to see me, and asked me how wide I could open my mouth, he was happy with the result

He examined my neck and face, before looking inside my mouth. He had a good old feel about and said although it was hard and lumpy - it was only scar tissue.

He wants to see me in one months time. Monthly appointments will occur for the first year!

Self Hypnosis

I am prepared to try most things, in the hope that it will increase my self confidence.

So I bought a Self Hypnosis CD, in Self Confidence and Self Esteem.

I laid on my bed with the CD playing in the DVD player. All was quiet and I was able to relax completely.

I have no idea what was said because I fell asleep! But did wake up when he counted back from 3 - 1.

Haven't noticed any difference as yet

M.I.N.D. Centre

(If anyone from M.I.N.D. is reading this, I apologise if any of this posting offends - its not suppose to, its just how I feel today)




Came away from the centre yesterday, very deflated.
Arrived there about midday and sat in the kitchen area. I do not like getting up and being centre of attention, so I opted not to make myself a coffee.

There were quite a few people in the kitchen.

Now don't get me wrong, they all are individuals who have either had total breakdowns, recovering alcoholics or drug users. And I am sure they all benefit from being at the centre. None of them are able to work, due to their various problems. All either help out at the centre or do some sort of voluntary work.
BUT I don't feel that I am in the same league. I was so embarrassed to admit having a driving lesson in 2 weeks time, and I wouldn't be in.

Anyway lunch there was delicious, two of the members did the cooking and we had lasagna and salad.

After lunch we had a reading/writing session for 30 minutes. Where about 6 of us had to write a list of' "You Know You're Getting Older When ........."
Next week its a show and tell session

I did have the option of going up an allotment and helping to paint a shed - I chose not to!

A huge part of me wants to chuck it in. I'm not sure its what I want/need. I would have rather sat at home watching Jeremy Kyle. I just need to gain my confidence with people ..... but people I can actually have proper conversations with

decisions decisions .....

DH says stick it out for a few more weeks, it may improve.